INTERVIEW: “Step away from whatever affects your joy and happiness”- Life Coach

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Marital abuse has caused deaths, mental health problems and broken homes. Findings reveal that, globally, 1 in 3 women have experienced sexual or physical violence from an intimate partner in their lifetime. Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is encouraged by cultures that ignore, blame and silence victims of it.

Fortunately, the world is more individualistic than before. People can now prioritize their lives before others and make decisions based on that. Abisayo Adelaja shares with Women Life Magazine how women facing abuse can prioritize their happiness first and liberate themselves.

Abisayo is a believer, a wife, mother and an environmental chemist. She is the founder and host at My Environment And I, where she shares basic facts, problems and solutions regarding the environment. She also helps young people redefine purpose in life based on God’s word.

Abisayo Adelaja

In this interview, Abisayo Adelaja (AA) shares with Women Life Magazine (WLM) more thoughts about marriage, marital abuse and women’s lifestyle.

WLM- What is it like to be a career woman, a mother and a wife all at the same time? How do you keep it all together?

AA- Before I go ahead and answer, I would like to point that God is a constant factor in who I am and have become today. I acknowledge that I am blessed by God to be called a wife, a mother or a career woman. He holds it all together for me.

Being a wife, mother and a career woman makes me feel like a superwoman, a hero! I give myself a tap on back daily for being able to pull through. It’s a process of learning and unlearning, joy and anxiety, and then lots of joy and the feeling of fulfilment.

God has blessed me with a husband who makes it all easy. Encourages me to be better career wise, helps, supports me and ultimately sees marriage and child raising as a collective responsibility for both the man and woman. I also have other women I look up to, their lives inspires me to be better and do better, my mum is one of them.

WLM- If you had to give up one for the remaining, which would it be and why?

AA- Why would I want to give up any? I love the feeling of fulfilment each gives me. I would be tempted to say being a career woman but I know myself. I would always find a way to fill a void in the society, find something to keep myself busy whilst still providing a need. So being a “career woman” to me is just a place where I have found an application to do what I love doing. If I leave or stop, I would still figure out another way to be purposeful.

WLM- Are there any childhood experiences that shaped you to who you are today?

AA- I have an elder sister. I am the second born. I remember my dad would always say “se bi okunrin”. Meaning we should act like men. He actually wanted male children first but two female kids came. He would always ginger us and encourage us to act like men. I grew up in an avenue where I was always made to sit up and do what I have to do. Despite the fact that I am a female, my dad would make us change bulbs, make us fix the door. He would make us do things that you would just normally say “oh, this is a man’s job.

Then I have a mom who is very career related. We saw her go from one level to another in her career. We saw her being recognized everywhere she went to. We saw her travelling all around for awards and trainings. We watched her grow in her career. We watched her be the boss where she was. All of that encouraged me, shaped me to who I am today.

WLM- What advice do you give to women like you but who are also facing abuse and oppression?

AA- If abuse in marriage is the case, one, your life is important. God still has use for your life. It’s better to step away and also gain your self esteem. Most times, I find out that women like that completely lose their self esteem. They feel worthless, they feel useless. They feel no one would have a need for them. They feel they can’t strive on their own. It’s best to leave a negative environment where you could love yourself and see that there is so much more about you than a marriage. It’s best to step away from whatever affects your joy and happiness.

Especially these days where depression is the order of the day. Step away from what would make you fall into depression for your own sound mind. Most importantly, seek help. Most women feel they would be judged if they seek help or someone would look down on them. Its important you seek help – maybe go for a therapy, talk to someone you trust. You can’t do it on your own. It’s best to let someone trustworthy in.

WLM- What are the basic challenges you have faced as a woman? How did you (if you did) overcome this?

AA- Recently, I got talking to a boss at work and then told him how I wanted to be serious about my work goals. His response was that all the things I was saying were for a man and I can’t do this because I have a husband and children to take care of. This is one of the things you go through as a woman.

I have women that get to combine all these and they inspire me. Yes, definitely it won’t be easy but with the right support system, there is definitely nothing you can do. I have people around me who are willing to support me. My husband supports me too. All you need is a good support system. A man needs this too. Everyone needs it.

WLM- Many girls anticipate and sometimes want to “rush” into marriage, what advice can you give to them?

AA- You had better wait! What are you rushing into for? You would end up spending more years being married than being single. So just enjoy your singlehood and when you are like “okay I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I don’t want to waste another moment. I would be better off married than single”. Then go into it. No rush please.

When you say rush it means you are not thinking straight, you are just letting the society pressure you. You just want to do it without sitting and counting the cost. Age is not a criteria to be married. Do not rush into marriage until you are very sure.

Abisayo can be reached on Instagram- Aabisayo

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